The Subconscious Mind in Relationships

Each interpersonal relationship a person engages in reveals an insight about their inner-self. In the process one can begin to notice certain reactions and paths that lead to dead-ends and other paths that lead to abundance. There is a constant and certain breaking down of boundaries, and this occurs not just between two people, but in the essence of all consciousness. The process is not just breaking down barriers though: it is re-integrating and rebalancing parts of ourselves.

Some reactions resulting from this bring us closer to our selves and others – closer to self-knowledge, while other reactions bring us further from others – towards illusion. It is one of these two forces that often fuel our relationships, often both at the same time. On the one hand, our desire to see the truth of our own self, and on the other hand to see the ideal self we want to be and to see the ideal person we want to see in others.

Friendships and relationships that last a long time tend to bring the inner-light of both people into the field of mutual consciousness. However no two people have the same qualities and we often surrender to others too fast without getting to know them. Of course, rejecting others will close off the gates for self development, but accepting someone too fast will cause their perspective to begin to be shaped to suit our own.

This process of subconscious shaping versus the conscious desire to see a person as he or she is without clouded perception are the two dynamics that are often present in our relationships. It is possible to introspect and to observe how we defend our false image sometimes and accept our true image at other times. The same applies to how we see others.

If we are able to accept others for their true essential selves then we are less prone to filter out elements of their being on a subconscious level. However this becomes difficult to do when a particular person or a stereotype has attacked or judged us in the past – we become more prone to use filtering and to create a false image of them.

Genuine boundaries are a stimulant for change. One element or another will shift and two people begin to merge where neither is dominating the course of the others perception and development. It can become clear in this process that those resistances, whether real or self-imposed, are reflections or missing pieces that we seek out in others but have yet to discover in ourselves.

It is this process of accepting ourselves and others that makes the potential for development and growth in relationships possible. If we fail to acknowledge our aversion to self-acceptance and let it drain our energies through the subconscious then effective external relationships become impossible. It is through self-examination to understand these two forces that we are able to see how in our own life we shape certain people to meet a desired idea we have of them, while allowing others to just be their genuine self.

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