The Process of Being an Honest Person
by AlexD
Each experience that we undergo needs to be expressed in the full nature that makes it true, otherwise it becomes suppressed as the shadow falling from the light of our true self. It is blocking out these experiences that cause the mind to interfere and to label them with false interpretations and ideas - the reason that we lie about what is self-evident in front of us.
Once we derive that sense of feeling truthful from something outside of ourselves (the mind) rather than the experience as it exists, we begin to deceive ourselves into experiencing things as we choose to see them rather than as things are.
This is most true for the most terrible experiences we undergo, often we filter them out or make them seem better in our minds to escape their threatening nature - as a result we lie about doing things that threaten our pride, we refuse to talk about things that do not validate our positive experience.
This selective process of filtering limits the fullness of our experience and clouds us from finding truth in our lives and results in us finding what we want to be true - whether that is real or not.
Below I will discuss three elements that block the process of becoming an honest person and how to overcome them.
Emotions that filter experiences
Our emotions are often incorrectly interpreted and cause us to act dishonestly in situations that are perceived as threats. For example, someone asks a question making it clear that he will be disappointed with a particular response; i.e. did you finish your homework? Our inclination will be to be dishonest to prove that we are a good person. This is a double negative. It is not uncommon for us to show a different side of ourselves to others to appear more honest than we are.
However, the single thing that this achieves is a feeling of being safe and regarded well in the eyes of others, and not a genuine sense of being true to oneself.
Expectations
Often when we place our expectations on others and when others place their expectations on us we are bound to respond in a dishonest light, or at least in one that threatens us to some extent. Expectations place a certain amount of pressure over us. There is no reason to be dishonest when we are 100% accepted without condition by others.
However expectations cause us to stretch ourselves — sometimes further than we are able to go. Therefore a general attitude of acceptance rather than expectation is fundamental to being true to oneself and expecting truthfulness from others.
Beliefs
Our own beliefs and the beliefs of others shape how we ought to experience things or how we are expected to experience things. For example in some countries there are customs that restrict people from doing certain things because it is the common belief that these things are negative experiences.
In some countries, for instance, approaching a woman you do not know on the street is not acceptable. In other countries perhaps not approaching others, going out late at night, and partying, is perceived as being against the customs. In either case these common beliefs encourage us to shape our true self to be validated in the external world.
Once again this causes us to stretch ourselves in directions that are incongruent with our true nature. Holding others to these beliefs and allowing others to hold us to them causes us to be dishonest with ourselves if those beliefs do not match our true desires, intentions, and experiences.
Conclusion
Ask yourself the following questions to determine whether you are on the process to becoming more honest with yourself, or moving further away from it:
- In the last week, did you avoid giving an honest response to someone because you felt they were placing guilt on you so that you would answer in a particular way?
- Did you forget to do something recently that someone asked you to do and are now avoiding talking to that person because you feel that he or she will be disappointed to find out that you haven't done it?
- Did you do something in the last week just to fit in with what others were doing, rather than doing something for yourself?
